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| Okay, this isn't actually me - this is Scarlett Johansson. |
It was that time of year again - staff Christmas Party time of year. My boyfriend (who I later married) worked for an advertising agency who always put on fancy shindigs at Christmas time. I was looking forward to it - I hadn't met most of his colleagues at this stage so though this would be a good opportunity.
The function was to be held at one of Christchurch's best restaurants at the time (Michaels). It all started out beautifully. I dressed rather demurely, and I was on my best behaviour. I rather nervously met his workmates, had a small glass of wine and we started to eat.
I am not sure exactly when things started going 'off-track'. I think it may have been after the main meal, when the bubbly was brought out. I do remember it was expensive champagne, and I do enjoy expensive champagne. Somehow I managed to polish off most of the bottle on my own, and then ordered two more bottles...
At this stage the CEO's personal assistant asked me to stop drinking and to stop ordering $100 bottles of wine. I made a remark about how she should let her hair down, and them commented that she was actually sporting a rather unfetching mullet hairdo.
The toilets at the restaurant became out of order (this had nothing to do with me) and we had to cross the road and use the toilets at the bar across the street. Whilst I was visiting the ladies room I ran into an old acquaintance, also very drunk. This friend was a lesbian, who really looked like a lesbian, who has always had a crush on me. So she joined us over at the restaurant. I personally have always been used to her advances and never really think anything of it. However all of my boyfriends colleagues seemed to think the fact that I had an over-friendly lesbian hanging off me was shocking.
At this stage I am sure you are thinking - what more could I do to make a dick of myself? Plenty.
I discovered that our waitress wanted to get into advertising, so I introduced her to a couple of the managers (who at this stage were 'close friends') and wouldn't let them off the hook until they had actually scheduled interviews into their diaries for her.
About this time in the evening I was getting on famously with the CEO himself. Well, at least I thought so. I was playing the bongo drums on his head and then using it as an armrest....Well. It wasn't my fault he was the size of Danny Devito was it? Really short men are just asking for trouble around a very drunk me.
I then decided I was far to cool for this party and these people so me and my lesbian mate buggered off to a club to dance the night away.
***home, crash-out, wake up sometime the next day***
My boyfriend is sitting up in bed next to me. Not happy. It took a wee while before the memory flashes began...
No, surely I wasn't using your boss's head as a bongo drum?
What? I spent how much on the bar tab?
The lesbian?
It was rather amazing. He forgave me almost immediately.
I on the other had, didn't attend another one of his work functions for an entire year. When it came around to the next Christmas party, I was more nervous than last time. It was at the same place. Everyone, restaurant staff and all the colleagues remembered me. Even the new staff members had heard about me.
It was all good however - the waitress was now working for the company!
Being that kind of drunk myself I LOVE entertaining drunks, I would have been clubbing with you too!!! People are forgiving about that kind of thing aren't they, usually because they have been their themselves and are relieved it it is you and not them!!!!
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