The work Christmas Party

The following blog post is the true story.  It may well be the most cringey christmas party story you ever hear (or read about)...

Okay, this isn't actually me - this is Scarlett Johansson.

It was that time of year again - staff Christmas Party time of year.  My boyfriend (who I later married) worked for an advertising agency who always put on fancy shindigs at Christmas time.  I was looking forward to it - I hadn't met most of his colleagues at this stage so though this would be a good opportunity.

The function was to be held at one of Christchurch's best restaurants at the time (Michaels).  It all started out beautifully.  I dressed rather demurely, and I was on my best behaviour.  I rather nervously met his workmates, had a small glass of wine and we started to eat.

I am not sure exactly when things started going 'off-track'.  I think it may have been after the main meal, when the bubbly was brought out.  I do remember it was expensive champagne, and I do enjoy expensive champagne.  Somehow I managed to polish off most of the bottle on my own, and then ordered two more bottles...
At this stage the CEO's personal assistant asked me to stop drinking and to stop ordering $100 bottles of wine.  I made a remark about how she should let her hair down, and them commented that she was actually sporting a rather unfetching mullet hairdo.

The toilets at the restaurant became out of order (this had nothing to do with me) and we had to cross the road and use the toilets at the bar across the street.  Whilst I was visiting the ladies room I ran into an old acquaintance, also very drunk.  This friend was a lesbian, who really looked like a lesbian, who has always had a crush on me.  So she joined us over at the restaurant.  I personally have always been used to her advances and never really think anything of it.  However all of my boyfriends colleagues seemed to think the fact that I had an over-friendly lesbian hanging off me was shocking.

At this stage I am sure you are thinking - what more could I do to make a dick of myself?  Plenty.

I discovered that our waitress wanted to get into advertising, so I introduced her to a couple of the managers (who at this stage were 'close friends') and wouldn't let them off the hook until they had actually scheduled interviews into their diaries for her.


About this time in the evening I was getting on famously with the CEO himself.  Well, at least I thought so.  I was playing the bongo drums on his head and then using it as an armrest....Well.  It wasn't my fault he was the size of Danny Devito was it?  Really short men are just asking for trouble around a very drunk me.


I then decided I was far to cool for this party and these people so me and my lesbian mate buggered off to a club to dance the night away.

***home, crash-out, wake up sometime the next day***

My boyfriend is sitting up in bed next to me.  Not happy.  It took a wee while before the memory flashes began...
No, surely I wasn't using your boss's head as a bongo drum?
What? I spent how much on the bar tab?
The lesbian?

It was rather amazing. He forgave me almost immediately.

I on the other had, didn't attend another one of his work functions for an entire year.  When it came around to the next Christmas party, I was more nervous than last time.  It was at the same place.  Everyone, restaurant staff and all the colleagues remembered me.  Even the new staff members had heard about me.

It was all good however - the waitress was now working for the company!

Be Natural Cereal Review

I would like to clarify that I was recently asked to review this product.  I was not paid to do this.  All opinions are mine, and are honest.


I was recently asked to review the Be Natural range of breakfast cereal.  I am a big cereal eater.  I eat cereal everyday for breakfast.  And as a breastfeeding mother, I eat a LOT.  I like a breakfast to be healthy, tasty and I like it to fill me up for a decent amount of time.

I was sent three flavours of cereal - Pink Lady Apple & Flame Raisin (RRP $6.49); Cashew, Almond, Hazlenut & Coconut(RRP $6.49); 5 Whole Grain Flakes(RRP $4.99).



I was impressed with the cereals.  They 'ticked all the boxes' so to speak.  My favourite was the Pink Lady Apple & Flame Raisin.  It had the Grain Flakes, and then lots of 'bits' - apple, raisins and these little 'clusters' of yumminess.  My second favourite was the Cashew, Almond, Hazlenut & Coconut.  I really enjoyed the nuts in the cereal.  I thought the 5 Whole Grain Flakes was a bit boring to be honest.  But I jazzed it up with some sliced bananas.

There are no artificial colours, flavours or preservatives in any of the cereals.

Honestly, I would probably buy both the Pink Lady Apple & Flame Raisin, and the Cashew, Almond, Hazlenut & Coconut flavours at the supermarket.  They were really tasty.  And I didn't need my second breakfast for about 3 hours after I ate, which is good.

My love affair with Twitter

I love words.  I love to write.  I love to read.


I am also a bit of a stickler for spelling and punctuation.  I have recently began to appreciate the Oxford Comma.  Until I saw this cartoon, I had always thought it to be unnecessary.  But not anymore.

However, I digress.

Despite my preference for correct English, I must admit that I love Twitter.  I love to tweet, and I would check my Twitter timeline a few times most days.  It used to drive me a bit crazy when I would come up with an unusually clever tweet, and once it was completed I would have -2 characters.  So somehow I would have to make my clever tweet 2 characters shorter.  What do I do?  Commit a grammatical error?  Or a spelling one?  Do I change my tweet to make it slightly less clever?

Ahh, the woes of a modern day writer.  I know. Cry me a river.

I have, however, had to just get the hell over it.  So what?  A spelling error.  A missing full stop - nevermind.

I realised what I love about Twitter is the freedom.  Yeah, sure, you have the 140 character limit per tweet.  But I can say whatever I want.  I long ago made a rule that I do not allow people I know from real life to follow me.  That way, I can tweet about my family and friends.  I can moan.  I can vent about situations I want to keep secret.  I can get advice.

The strangest thing about Twitter for me is that I have actually made and developed friendships with people. Unlike facebook, where I would never accept a stranger as a friend, with Twitter all of my followers are strangers.  I might send out a tweet, I may get a reply, a conversation can develop.  I would say that I have made four real actual friends on twitter (none of which I have actually met though), and three of those people are now facebook friends.

I also think that as I don't have to worry about offending anyone on Twitter, as they are all strangers and they can unfollow me with the click of a button if they don't like what I have to say, then I can just say whatever I am thinking and feeling.  I often feel like the 'Twitter-me' is the real me.  I feel like I can truly be myself.  Geez, is that sad? I don't know.  Maybe I am just lucky that I have found such an outlet.  I wouldn't say that I pretend in front of my real-life family and friends, I guess they just get the version of me that I think they would like.  Where I omit to tell them certain things.  Or bullshit them a bit.  With Twitter I don't need to do that.

I'll do it my way

Parenting.  Who would have thought it would be such a minefield of opinions and advice.  The right way and the wrong way.  My way and your way.

I think it would be fair to say I am not a 'mainstream' type of mother.  I believe in gentle parenting, attachment parenting, and basically treating my children as actual real people, rather than some burden in my life.  Since the moment I told people that I was having a baby, I have been inundated with advice. Some of it good, and some of it bad.  The best piece of advice came from a man I worked with who said "Don't listen to anyone - just do it your way".

I started to get a bit upset with certain well-meaning people in my life (my mother, grandmother and auntie included), who would try and tell me that 'crying is good for your baby's lungs', 'he is playing you like a fiddle', 'you need to leave him to cry, or he'll never go to sleep', and so on.  I would get annoyed with them, and they with me.  I started to really think about this.

It is simple really - they are just telling me to do what they did, and they did these things because they were told to do it.  And they did these things because they loved their children and wanted what was best for them.  Twenty, thirty, and especially sixty years ago there was no internet, there was no easy access to 'alternative' parenting information.  All mothers were given the same set of advice, and told to follow it.  It would have been very difficult to go against this advice, if everyone you encountered in society was doing it the same way (and it was doctors orders).

My mother has actually come around - she has seen the research on the damage that 'crying it out' can do, to both mother and baby.

So now, when I hear "Back in my day, we did....", I won't take it badly, I will try not to be offended, I will just try to understand that they are saying it out of love and care.  They are giving me the only information that they know, the information that was drummed into them, which was the best way for their precious children.  I will try and be understanding that they may be deeply hurt if I try to tell them that new discoveries about babies brains have been made since their children were young, and the very things they did out of love for their children could very well have caused damage.  I think I will just smile and nod, say thanks.

The dreaded 'N' word

I heard it at preschool the other day.  It hadn't even been on my radar for many years, I think by high school it is a distant memory for most of us, and as an adult it hadn't figured in my life at all.  But boy, it is a word that has a lot of stigma.  To be branded with this, whether it was true or not, was something not lived down for many years.

I think you know what I am talking about....thats right... NITS.  Head-lice.  Is this what Americans call cooties (or are cooties just a general term for some kind of 'germs' that an undesirable person suffers from?)?

Heres a close up of the little bastards.

I was confronted by a huge noticeboard as I took my son to preschool - WE HAVE NITS GOING AROUND.  You could see the parents visibly shudder as the implications of this news shook them to the core. I was thinking, what the hey?  Nits?  Are they still going strong?  They sucked the fat sav when I was at school, and they must be just as bad now.   I cannot believe no-one has eradicated such a much-maligned curse in the last 20 years.  I mean, think of the technological and scientific advancement that has taken place, yet our children are still afflicted with dirty old nits.

I have been checking my sons hair scrupulously every day (hmm, is your head itchy yet?) as I live in fear.  I live in fear more than most other parents as my son, more often than not, ends up in our bed during the night.  So I am not so fearful for his sake, but mine.  Imagine if, at the age of 30, I got nits?  (is your head itchy now, sort of behind your ears?).

I have been doing a bit of research into nit treatments, and none of them sound too appealing.  Not from rubbing some mayo on my head, to the full scale chemical attack.  I heard that hair straighteners do a pretty good job of sizzling the little beasts, and frying their eggs.  And remember those very fine toothed combs that leave you half bald?  I can just imagine how difficult it would be to get Master 3 to sit still for that long.

My plan of attack is simple - prevention.  I will be shaving my sons head.  

I'll leave you to have a good head scratch now

The Quickest Easiest Tastiest Home Made Ice Cream

Following on from my earlier recipe for an easy dessert (the outrageously delicious microwave chocolate cake), I will now impart with my ice-cream recipe.

Ingredients:
300ml cream
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 Crunchie Bar (for those people in non Crunchie Bar countries, find something similar to this)

Method:

• Whip cream
• Fold in condensed milk - best to do this gradually, or else it 'pools' at the bottom
• Smash up the crunchie and stir this through
• Freeze
• Eat

DONE!

I know.  So tasty.  So easy.  If you want to thank me, you can just make me some.  This is another one of those life changing recipes.

The struggles of being an introverted mother

According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I am an INFJ personality type.
Introverted
Intuitive
Feeling
Judging

This is apparently one of the rarest personality types, with 1 - 3% of people exhibiting this personality type (this kinda makes me feel a bit special!).

Synopsis of INFJ personality type:

• INFJs tend to be reserved, quiet and have a small circle of close friends
• INFJs are prefer abstract concepts and tend to focus on the big picture rather than concrete details
• INFJs place a greater emphasis on personal concerns than objective facts when making decisions.
• INFJs like to exert control by planning, organizing and making decisions as early as possible.

People with INFJ personalities tend to exhibit the following characteristics:

• Idealistic
• Sensitive to the needs of others
• Highly creative and artistic
• Reserved
• Focused on the future
• Private
• Values close, deep relationships
• Enjoys thinking about the meaning of life

INFJs are driven by their strong values and seek out meaning in all areas of their lives including relationships and work. People with this type of personality are often described as deep and complex.

INFJs have an innate ability to understand other people's feelings. While they are introverted, they sometimes seem extroverted at times due to their strong interest in people and society. INFJs are interested in helping others and making the world a better place. They tend to be excellent listeners and are good at interacting with people which whom they are emotionally close and connected. While they care deeply about others, INFJs tend to be very introverted and are only willing to share their "true selves" with a select few. After being in social situations, INFJs need time to themselves to "recharge."

INFJs also have a talent for language and are usually quite good at expressing themselves on paper. They have a vivid inner life, but they are often hesitant to share this with others except for perhaps those closest to them. While they are quiet and sensitive, they can also be good leaders. Even when they don't take on overt leadership roles, they often act as quiet influencers behind the scenes.

In school, INFJs are usually high achievers and get good grades. They can be perfectionists at times and tend to put a great deal of effort into their academic work. INFJs enjoy learning, particularly about people, society, literature and art. They tend to prefer studying subjects that involves abstract theories and ideas rather than concrete facts and information.

Because they are reserved and private, INFJs can be difficult to get to know. They place a high value on close, deep relationships and can be hurt easily, although they often hide these feelings from others.

So how does this affect my life as a mother?

Firstly, the one thing that I miss more than anything else since becoming a mother, is being by myself.  I enjoy being alone.  I am only able to write, and follow other creative pursuits in solitude.  If I can't write, I get quite stressed as it is pretty much the only way that I can truly and accurately express myself.

I also need to be alone in order to re-charge myself.  I get drained when I am around people.

So as a mother I rarely get time all to myself.  I love my beautiful children dearly, they are my heart and soul, and my life is so much better with them in it.  But sometimes, I just need a break.  It is a struggle.

My eldest son, 3 years, is also an introvert, I think (although I could be wrong), however I am sure my 9 month old son is an extrovert.  My husband is an introvert.  My husband and I both understand that we each need time alone to just 'be'.  

My husband is currently on a roster where he works 7 days, then has 2 days off.  So basically on his days off, he has a sleep in and time out on one of the days, and me on the other.  So that is one day in nine that I get to have 'me' time.  

On my most special day I sleep in.  Sometimes I don't sleep as I like to be awake to enjoy being alone.  I might watch a movie in bed.  Then I like to take a long shower.  I like to check my email.  I like to garden.  I like to write.  And read.  Today is my 'me' day.  I make the most of every moment that I can.  I need to recharge as much as possible to get me through the next 8 days.

Sometimes I have to stay up late, even if I am tired, just to be alone. I feel less tired, if I get that alone time.

But what is still elusive, is having the house to myself.  To me that would be a dream.  If my husband went out with the kids, and I could have the whole place to myself.  To listen to music loudly.  Or quietly.  To do what I want without having to be considerate to everyone else. 

This isn't the best written blog post, I am a bit all over the place today.  Hopefully I have got my message across.